Part I – So Long Relationship Martyr, Hello B.I.G. Love


If you’re reading this, I’m going to go out on a limb and make some assumptions about you. Ready? Okay.

  • You possess a big, brassy heart.
  • You want to breathe in beauty and exhale magic.
  • You aspire to be a connoisseur of passionately crafted, joyous delight (all kinds).
  • Your veins contain not blood, but equal parts verve, tenderness, desire, and juicy, JUICY potential for impacting the lives of others.
  • You’re not interested in ‘small talk’. You want BIG talk.

In fact, you want a BIG life populated by BIG people who are capable of blowing your mind with monumental, soul-shuddering, cell-tingling ideas, inspiration and oh yeah…BIG freaking love.

Am I getting warm? Is there a part of you that wants to cheer out loud, just a little bit? Confess. You want the BIG love.Large_BIG_Love_CROPPED

“I dream of a love so small that I barely notice it” said no one ever. Am I right?

You’ve always dreamed of the BIG Love. And if you’re one of the lucky few, you even have it in your life right now.

I do. It’s even better than I dreamed it would be. Powerful. Challenging. Transformative. Joyful. Tearful. Awakening. And, oh my, is it sexy.

However, if you don’t yet have the BIG Love you want – if you’re circling around its potential in your life…but it hasn’t fully been realized in your experience – then there’s a hang up with living your manifesto, walking your talk, or rocking your theme song.

If you don’t have the BIG love you want, there’s no way around it: you’ve got to begin by acknowledging that something’s not working. Saddle up your honesty and dispense with any denial about this.

This isn’t about blame. On the contrary, it’s about getting clear about how things are so you can plot a direct path to living your life they way you want it to be.

The #1 Reason The BIG Love Is So Elusive (aka the damn map is wrong!)

We’ve been sold a devastating lie that – if you want the BIG love – you have to sacrifice everything for it.

But this doesn’t work, does it?

You know. You’ve tried. Oh, honey, I know how hard you’ve tried.

Indeed, if you’re anything like me, you worshipped at the altar of the relationship martyr for years.

You’ve chanted that give-more-mantra until your hoarse!

After working with thousands of private clients and workshop participants, here’s what I’ve discovered: sacrificing your needs, your dreams, your passion, i.e. your personal boundaries, means your self-worth is up for grabs, too.

Bottom line: if you’re practicing self-sacrifice to get the BIG Love, your self-worth will always be a casualty.

And there is no avoiding the corrosive consequences of self-sacrifice on you.

The more you sacrifice and fail to find the BIG Love, the worse you feel about your efforts. So you sacrifice more. And more. And still, the BIG Love you want is out of reach.

Meanwhile, you’re so depleted, frustrated, or resentful, you barely have the energy to sneeze.

Gradually, you might even become so turned around that self-sacrifice sneaks in and becomes the goal: you forget that it was supposed to be a means to an end – the supposed Express Route to the BIG love.

After all – what is more all-consuming than the hamster wheel of taking care of everyone else’s needs?

Perhaps most tragically, you started to believe that BIG Love just isn’t possible for you.

You become convinced that it’s only “realistic” to settle for less than you really, really want.

What I’m describing is the trap of the relationship martyr.

Having applied the sacrifice-all approach to creating the BIG Love, you may have concluded that you should give up on the goal.

“Something’s better than nothing, right?”

But, in reality, it’s your approach to achieving the BIG Love that needs an upgrade.

If you really want the BIG Love, you can no longer be a devotee of the snake oil salesman who says, “If sacrifice yourself for your relationship, it’s okay! The relationship will meet all your needs”.

This doesn’t work.

The BIG Love can’t be bought – not with a fistful of silver, and certainly never with self-sacrifice.

But I promise you: the BIG Love is entirely achievable.

Never doubt that you are completely capable of having the BIG Love: capable of creating it, nurturing it, growing it, sharing it, breathing it, living it.

You are.

So: if you or someone you know is ready to get off the relationship-martyr-merry-go-round, I have a solution for you.

The only thing you need to grab up it with both hands…is a deep WILLINGNESS to no longer feel frustrated, disappointed, resigned or afraid to hope in your quest for The BIG Love.

So if this is you…jump on over to my next article, “The #1 Thing Sabotaging Your Shot At The BIG Love!

Or, if you’re ready to do something REAL right now so you can get back on track, here’s a little BIG Love to get you started.

I’m offering you a chance to get me one-on-one for a complimentary, 45-minute Relationship Reboot Strategy Session. I only do two of these each week, so don’t wait to get in touch. Saddle up your stickiest relationship struggle and send me an email at right now. I can’t wait to help you get started!

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