fierce |fi(e)rs|
- showing a heartfelt and powerful intensity: s/he kissed her with a fierce, demanding passion.
- ORIGIN Middle English: from Old French fiers ‘fierce, brave, proud,’ from Latin ferus ‘untamed.’
I want to talk about the stuff that empowers heart-changing, soul-expressing, passion-growing human connection.
I’m going to talk about these things because I want to change the world.
“Wait a minute,” you say. “What do relationships have to do with changing the world?”
Only this: if we can remember and consciously embody the real purpose of relationship, we can eliminate generations of pain and suffering from the world.
And I believe, with everything in me, that by eliminating pain and suffering within and between people, we can achieve world peace, protect the environment, create beauty, raise conscious children…the sky’s the limit! The full breadth and depth of human potential awaits. We might even find a way to make gluten-free chocolate chip cookies that taste as good as not-so-gluten-free mom’s. In the spirit of this manifesto, below, I review six qualities of F.I.E.R.C.E. relationships. I hope you find something here that speaks to you.
Just one thing: If you are more interested in shame and blame, criticism and drama, being a victim (or enabling others to see themselves this way)…this blog is not for you.
However, if you are curious about how human relationships can be THE sacred space – the crucible – in which you can discover and experience your every beauty, your most mind-bending passion, and the deepest essence of the Love that you ARE…
…then you are the person that I am speaking to, speaking about, and cheering for. You are the one I am here to serve.
I love you – and I’ve got you.
Six qualities of F.I.E.R.C.E. Relationship
F – Freedom: Freedom from social expectations, obligations, and family pressures. Freedom to create your relationships in ways that are aligned with the evolving truth of Who You Are! Still figuring out exactly what that is? No problem! Your relationships are the first, best place for figuring out the answer to the question, “Who Do I Want To Be?”
Bottom line? Ditch all your should’s like a bad date.
I – Interdependence: as in NOT codependent, needy, or commitment phobic. Interdependence is the healthy middle-ground between too much independence (me, me, and more me); and codependence (excessive emotional or psychological reliance on another). Think, “You complete me!”. That’s not romance. It’s codependence. Relationship isn’t about finding your wholeness. It’s about sharing your wholeness (hint: you’re already beautifully, perfectly, luminously WHOLE).
Bottom line? Keep the I, the You, and the We in balance.
E – Emotional (self) Awareness: as opposed to emotionally disconnected or emotionally illiterate, shut down, etc. The #1 source of stress in modern life? Emotional stress. The #1 threat to a relationship? Repressed or unexpressed emotions (nope, it ain’t lack of $$$ or sex – it’s storing up how we FEEL about those things).
Bottom line? A smart person once said, “A feeling just wants to be felt”.
R – (radical personal) Responsibility: I am responsible for my feelings, my actions, and my reactions. You don’t “make” me feel, act, or react. I do. This is one most of us stumble and fumble with. We’re trained from the boob to blame where we are (or aren’t), how we feel (or don’t) on someone or something else. It’s almost as if we live in a society of professional victims! But the problem with this? Powerlessness is a big, freakin’ lie! That’s why it’s EXHAUSTING.
Bottom line? Don’t like how it looks, feels, smells? Choose again.
C – Courage: Dr. Charlotte Kasl suggests that the most courageous thing a person can do is turn around and face what’s hurting them. Guess what? Your relationships will put your old pain, your family shit, and the gunk in your shadow in your face like nothing else. Why? Because that’s what relationships are supposed to do! Not exactly the romantic comedy version of romance, is it?
Bottom line? It is courage – even more than love – that ignites and empowers passionate, lasting relationship.
E – Evolutionary: An evolutionary relationship is one that rolls out the red carpet for change, growth, and transformation. Human beings are socially, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and psychically WIRED for change and adaptation. It’s built in – not part of the options package. But here’s the painful paradox: we’ve been taught to FEAR change. There’s this awful lie that says our security lies in everything staying the same. This is the emotional equivalent of SNAKE OIL! Nothing will kill passion, suppress your spirit, or ring the death bell of a relationship faster than seeking security by trying to prevent change.
Bottom line? Make space in your relationship to welcome change…and you get to fall in love over and over again.
Wishing you EVERY joy that FIERCE relationship can bring…
Erin Bentley, MA,
Total Relationship Coach, Author, Workshop Leader