The Difference Between Change & Growth: Or, How Do You Spring Clean Your Relationships?


The difference between change…and growth!

Or…How do you ‘spring clean’ your relationships?

(ANSWER: you don’t).

You say, “What?”. Stay with me, now.

Let’s face it: struggles in relationships are as common as, well…dirt! Worse, we exhaust ourselves trying to figure it all out alone. In my coaching work and seminars, I help folks who are just plain tired of being tired from trying to outrun, out smart, or outlast the root causes of conflict, disconnection, and loneliness in their relationships.

In order deal with the source of the fights, fears, and loneliness that arise in our relationships, we have to clear away the fog that’s obscuring the true origin of the problems we’re experiencing with friends, partners, or family.

But, it’s so easy to become bogged down, focusing on the symptoms of drama, conflict, and dissatisfaction…isn’t it?

Stepping out of this vortex of conflicting, confusing distraction empowers us to generate the perspective we need to transform conflict into connection; loneliness into security; and fears into foundations that support the kind of relationships we want to be in.

Imagine…having the tools to become the change that your relationships need in order to grow.

How would your life be different? How much bigger would your life feel?

How much more energy, support, and freedom would you have to evolve in your career? In your passions? Your contribution to the world?

What could you do with all the mental and emotional energy that you currently lose to being worried, confused, conflicted, upset, or lonely?

Right now, in this moment, I want to offer you a bit of help that will empower you to take a look under the rug (you know, the one under which people sweep stuff they really don’t want to look at?). Yeah. That rug! The What, Why, & How…of the Difference Between Change and Growth Change is about altering or replacing the content of a relationship. You change your partner. You replace your friends. You adopt a chosen family. You limit your time with certain folks.

Watch me now: change matters.

It does. We should value it. However, when compared to growth, change – in and of itself – will not transform, heal, or fundamentally alter anything that’s under the surface. And that’s where the roots of relationship conflict, dissatisfaction, and dissolution LIVE!

In contrast, growth is about fundamentally transforming the structures and foundations that determine the shape, feeling, and sustainability of your relationships.

Let me offer you an example to flesh this out a bit.

Imagine you have a house – and it’s just not working for you. So, you decide to do some redecorating – repainting your house; getting new flooring; new furniture; new curtains. It will make your house feel different, it’s true. But if you want a space – a container – for a fundamentally different kind of place and a different way to live…you need an altogether different blueprint than the one you started with. Did you know you have a relationship blueprint? Do you know where it comes from? Do you know it’s influencing every single problem you experience in relationships – from conflicts over money to who walks the dog?

When we don’t know about the relationship blueprint, all of our efforts to change what’s not working in our relationships will be cosmetic changes – but they won’t enable us to leverage conflict and crisis into growth!

When we don’t know about the relationship blueprint, it’s like spring cleaning your home: everybody thinks they have to do it! And for awhile, the house feels good and airy and welcoming again – until it doesn’t.

The dust bunnies return.

The upholstery gets dirty again.

Clutter builds.

You feel like all your time and effort didn’t really pay off in lasting transformation of the place where you live.

And guess what? Your relationships are like your home: because in very real ways, they are the place where you live.

So how do we nurture growth in our relationships?


Join me for a FREE, live teleclass April 27thth, 10am-12pm – and I’ll show you how to get started!

To get on the call, you must pre-register here.

I can’t wait to “hear” you there!

With all my love and brightest blessings,

Erin Bentley, MA, PhD (candidate)
Total Relationship Coach, Author, Workshop Leader

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